THE TURKEY IS OUT TO GET ME

The average American will gain about a pound over Thanksgiving. Not bad. The average ME over Thanksgiving will gain about eleven hundred thousand pounds.

It's because the turkey is out to get me.

He wasn't so scary when he first came out of the freezer. He was all naked and helpless and stuff. Even when my husband covered him with yummy spices, he was still pretty ugly. I wasn't worried.

But after a while ...

WELL CRAP.

How am I supposed to stand against THAT??!!

I did not. I devoured massive amounts of the bird. And he was damn tasty. And the next day, I started upping my workout. I haven't LOST any weight over the holiday, but I sure as hell haven't gained any!

And now this, just for you: