Sweet crispy blubber fries: the first 50

A year ago, this was me:

A fat, pale whale. SO SMEXY!! Although not as cute as this ridiculously sweet beluga. Oh, dear ... um, any mentions of "sweet beluga" does NOT refer to caviar. The idea of eating fish eggs is - HURK - excuse me, I have to go vomit for about an hour. x_____x

Where the heck was I going with this ...? Oh, yeah. Me at 305 pounds. I hated myself. I felt massive, blubbery, floppy, hideous, and insanely out of shape. Which, honestly, I was. I couldn't walk a block without keeling over from excruciating back pain.
Yeah, the back pain was brought on by my hugeness. Time for a change.

The problem was (still is!) I'm a mostly sedentary mammal. I'm a student (online classes) = sitting. I'm a writer = sitting. I'm an artist on very small medium = sitting.
And I loooove movies ... yeah, more sitting.

And I've always had a special place in the cockles of my heart (whatever THOSE are) for gorgeous junk food. The nastier, the better!

OMG CURLY FRIES!!! Darn these stupid things, they're better than breathing. So greasy ... MMMM ...

So sitting around a lot + truck loads of junk food = FatMommy.

The first 50 pounds took a YEAR to lose. Which was a pretty slow pace, honestly. For me, that is - everyone is different, and no two bodies lose weight the same way. Basically, I wasn't trying very hard. Like, at ALL. I was eating *slightly* less crap and making a moderate effort to exercise, which is better than I HAD been doing ... but it wasn't much. I was still lazy and eating crap.
I did give up soda and most of my carbs, which I'm sure helped a lot; but I was still spending a LOT of time sitting on my butt.

Then, one day (sometime during the first week of April 2013) - I sat up and realized - holy crap. I lost 50 pounds - and I was barely trying. How much could I lose if I DID try?

Here's what 50 pounds look like:
...
*chirp chirp*
...
*crickets get bored and start watching videos on their tiny iPhones*
...
Okay, FINE, internet. BE that way. I can't find a picture of what 50 pounds of fat looks like - so here's a picture of 5 pounds:

*snort* I love how it's being modeled by this super-skinny chick who has, like, ZERO body fat.

Anyway, I managed to lose TEN TIMES that slimy yellow blob just by a slight calorie reduction and some lazy workouts. I knew I could do more if I actually gave a crap.

And that's how the first 50 gradually, lazily dropped off my frame. The next chunk of blubber would come off a lot faster. Stay tuned!