This is me last year:
Sexy, huh? This is me now (approximately):
And this is my goal:
No problem. *sarcastic face*
Then again, I'm not blonde. So I guess my goal should be more like this:
I have about a hundred pounds to go. Hooboy ... does that make me an official whale? What on earth would qualify this FatMommy to blog about weight loss?! Well, I'm not Jabba the Hutt anymore. I've lost 85 pounds since last year - 35 of that in the last 2 months. (Which is when I finally got my keister off the sofa and started an actual diet and exercise regimen.)
I'm learning that I have control over my blubber - it doesn't have to rule me. So, the droopy tummy, waggling thighs, floppy upper arms, and all the rest of it is being officially banished. Take THAT, Kate Upton's smug "OMG I r soooo hott" face. I stick out my tongue at your ridiculously hot body. Wait. That sounded dirty. That was not my intention! Ew.
Okay - so if you're struggling to lose weight, or you just want to laugh at my fatness, follow this blog. I'll chronicle my adventures in healthy food (yuck), my misadventures in exercising (ouch), and how I'm plagued with dreams of vast buffets laden with fried food.
(Jabba the Hutt provided by http://kootation.com)
('Fat Barbie' courtesy of http://cdn.themetapicture.com)
(Kate Upton provided by, obviously, Sports Illustrated)
(Amy Lee of Evanescence provided by http://www.fanpop.com)
Blogger ate my comment. -_-
ReplyDeleteI was going to say, you want to have your boobs squashed, your lady-bits waxed to look like an 8-year-old, and the pain of getting airbrushed every morning? Brunette looks much more comfortable to me. ;)
No, I promise, I don't actually want to look like Kate Upton. I'm pretty sure she's an alien.
DeleteShe was just included for humor's sake - because let's be honest, that picture of her is pretty hilarious. If that's the new sexy, I want to be ugly.
Er ... well, you know what I mean.
This keeps getting more and more hilarious....I can't wait to read your next blog.
ReplyDeleteNew entry coming soon! :D
Delete(Tuney here)
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I adore Oola! What a tragic death *sigh*
Secondly, congrats on losing the eighty-five, and I look forward to hearing about your progress. Although in a short amount of time you will more than likely be changing your title from 'fatso' to 'bangin' bikini bod'! Go get 'em! That being said, don't give up curves entirely. A little curve goes a long way! hehe
Thank you Tuney! *hugs*
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